I am jumbled, oh so jumbled inside.
how can a few caring words turn everything that already didn't make sense into something that has me teetering on the brink of insanity?
it feels right
it felt right.
will it continue to feel right?
who knows. i sure don't. i just wish there was a way to uncomplicate it all. to make things the way they should be.
but if things were "uncomplicated," none of it would have happened at all. it's either complicated or nothing, so which would i choose?
i just don't know. maybe i choose none of it, but it really breaks me up to think that. because despite all the bad things that have come from this situation, what you've given me is beautiful.
you said it felt right. and it did. we both know it did.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Saturday, August 1, 2009
The Wackness
i just watched a movie that was so beautiful and so heartbreakingly honest that i will inevitably carry it with me through the rest of my life. the movie is called The Wackness. it's amazing. it's real and vulnerable and forgiving. ah, it's just incredible.
i've always loved movies, i think maybe more, or at least in a different way, than the next person. and this movie, wow, this movie really makes me want to live my life taking in every moment possible, making sure not to miss a second.
and the soundtrack is perfect.
it sounds cliche, but movies and music are a huge part of my life.
music fixes me when i'm broken, fills in the cracks of life, and morphs to always make sense, but never leaves me behind. but movies, they make you look at things in a new way, they show you what someone else is seeing, even if you've always been blind to it. they are like music, only the words are conversations and the melodies are pictures.
i was talking to my friend about this, and he feels the same way, only for him, it's not music, it's books.
"It's a place you can truly escape in and help create. ... movies are amazing because it is a true artistry to make people feel raw emotion for fictional characters that they have never met."
That is exactly it. books allow you to project yourself into the story, make it wrap itself around you to make perfect sense in the way that you need it to, but movies project themselves onto you. they make you a part of them and they make you care and feel and experience and understand.
that's why i love to write. i like the concept of giving my ideas and thoughts to the world for them to make mean something for themselves. i want to interact with the world around me, and i want it to interact with me in turn. this blog, no one knew of it at first, but over the years, i've slowly allowed people to see into my world through it. and only this summer have i put any real thoughts into it. it's scary for me to share these words with people i know, people i'm close with. in so many ways, i am so much more comfortable opening up to strangers. with my music, i would play my songs for a crowd of 1,000 strangers over a much smaller group of people i know any day. i wish i knew why.
the world is full of ideas and words needing to be shared and heard and projected. movies and music and books, they are all here for just that. they are all here to give people the chance and ability to spit their brains out into society and hold their breath for the response. and the best part is: even is the response isn't what you wished for, it's hard not to feel good about it, because either way, you needed to spit.
i've always loved movies, i think maybe more, or at least in a different way, than the next person. and this movie, wow, this movie really makes me want to live my life taking in every moment possible, making sure not to miss a second.
and the soundtrack is perfect.
it sounds cliche, but movies and music are a huge part of my life.
music fixes me when i'm broken, fills in the cracks of life, and morphs to always make sense, but never leaves me behind. but movies, they make you look at things in a new way, they show you what someone else is seeing, even if you've always been blind to it. they are like music, only the words are conversations and the melodies are pictures.
i was talking to my friend about this, and he feels the same way, only for him, it's not music, it's books.
"It's a place you can truly escape in and help create. ... movies are amazing because it is a true artistry to make people feel raw emotion for fictional characters that they have never met."
That is exactly it. books allow you to project yourself into the story, make it wrap itself around you to make perfect sense in the way that you need it to, but movies project themselves onto you. they make you a part of them and they make you care and feel and experience and understand.
that's why i love to write. i like the concept of giving my ideas and thoughts to the world for them to make mean something for themselves. i want to interact with the world around me, and i want it to interact with me in turn. this blog, no one knew of it at first, but over the years, i've slowly allowed people to see into my world through it. and only this summer have i put any real thoughts into it. it's scary for me to share these words with people i know, people i'm close with. in so many ways, i am so much more comfortable opening up to strangers. with my music, i would play my songs for a crowd of 1,000 strangers over a much smaller group of people i know any day. i wish i knew why.
the world is full of ideas and words needing to be shared and heard and projected. movies and music and books, they are all here for just that. they are all here to give people the chance and ability to spit their brains out into society and hold their breath for the response. and the best part is: even is the response isn't what you wished for, it's hard not to feel good about it, because either way, you needed to spit.
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