breaking things

here, take the glue. now get going.

here is everything that you'll need to fix me

there's glue and hugs and some chocolate ice cream

you gotta start now or she'll keep on falling

apart and all while the world is calling

hold her hand and make her smile

Ohhh, it's been awhile

since you've made her feel like this

ok now give her a kiss

breakin her heart oh it's not too easy

you gotta go slow or it sounds too cheesy

show her that you care but the feeling's not there

now take a big breath of air

you know you love her but you can't sort it out

all of that thinkin' makes your head spin about

give it a try and just see where it goes

don't shut her down when you don't even know

hold her hand and make her smile

Ohhh, it's been awhile

since you've made her feel like this

ok now give her a kiss

crunch.

things didn't go the way i had imagined they would. well, i guess i hadn't really imagined the part after the telling. but the telling i had totally figured out, the plan was to tell him whenever it was that it felt "right" and then just blurt it out with my eyes squeezed shut. that was all i had thought about. i hadn't considered what he might say back. i guess i had hopefully imagined that he would break into a huge smile and squeeze me tight and tell me that he wanted that too. i guess i had hoped for a "thank god" or a "oh my goodness" or something. at least a smile. what i got wasn't what i was prepared for.

i'm trying to not let myself think that it's a reflection of his feelings for me because i should know just as well as the next person that there are so many other factors that go into it, but it's hard to not feel upset by it.

when i said, "i think i want to try staying together next year," i was expecting a good feeling of relief to follow. but i got, "ok...i have to think about it."

ouch. crunch. there goes my heart.

i wish i hadn't said anything.