i think i'm done

perhaps i understand a grudge now. i'm beginning to think that a grudge is often more accurately described as "permanently hurt feelings," though that sounds a bit childish.

but i think i get it now.
because that is what i have.

and i'll tell you what i don't have when it comes to you:
reason
SENSIBILITY
clarity

and that's why i still give you, time and again, my
emotions
faith
HOPE
advice
friendship
HEART
love
time


but i'm nearing the edge of the water here. i'm trying to get the sound of your empty words out of my hopeful mind and my still so empty chest. i've tried to fill that emptiness with your words one too many times, and i'm starving as a i watch them fall through the holes you've left in me. you gave me those holes. you left them behind so that you could drop your intentions through them right in front of my eyes.
why can't i patch them up...? i hate watching the pieces fall.

you're a tangle of string in my mind. i want to figure you out, to work out the knots, or to just get rid of you, dump you for someone else to happen across. but to be able to untangle this knot would be the greatest triumph, the greatest reward.
when i try to make distance though, your tendrils wrap around me and hang on, keeping a sulky distance yet becoming the intruder of my thoughts. i want you out. i want you gone. i want to be done with you, but you won't go. when i try to get rid of you, you always stay.